Femflatvonk is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, sage scorpion.

Femflatvonk created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femflatvonk, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Femflatvonk, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Femflatvonk's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Femflatvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never eat wheat.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never wear dresses.