Pakman is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, stupid weasel.

Pakman created the planet Jupiter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakman, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Pakman, it will boil you in a big pot.

Pakman's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Pakman's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Do not hurt bats.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never write about cell theory.