Lakpangyen is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, omniscient clam.

Lakpangyen created the Sombrero Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakpangyen, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lakpangyen, it will boil you in a big pot.

Lakpangyen's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Lakpangyen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.

4. Do not speak about grapes.

5. Run away from yellow mice, for they are unholy.