Wotjonkem is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, vain fish.

Wotjonkem created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Wotjonkem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Wotjonkem, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Wotjonkem's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Wotjonkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always treat birds with great respect.

3. Hide if three badgers approach from the east.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

5. Never feed carrots to goats while wearing fawn stockings.