Lapbotkar is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, selfish wombat.

Lapbotkar created an electron nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbotkar, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lapbotkar, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lapbotkar's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Lapbotkar's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never paint your back magenta.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lapbotkar.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.