Kikgabnak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, strong giraffe.

Kikgabnak created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kikgabnak, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Kikgabnak, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kikgabnak's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Kikgabnak's Holy Commandments

1. Kikgabnak loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

2. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

4. Run away from cyan mites, for they are unholy.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kikgabnak.