Homfarnsaw is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, selfish dolphin.

Homfarnsaw created the planet Saturn nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Homfarnsaw, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Homfarnsaw, he will turn you into a goat.

Homfarnsaw's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Homfarnsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear boots.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never pour water over plants.