Mumsattafcem is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, vain aardvark.

Mumsattafcem created humanity four billion years ago.

If you believe in Mumsattafcem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Mumsattafcem, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Mumsattafcem's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Mumsattafcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Never wear fawn jumpers.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Hide if five great tits approach from the west.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.