Satvigtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, quiet hippopotamus.

Satvigtaf created bats seven million years ago.

If you believe in Satvigtaf, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Satvigtaf, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Satvigtaf's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Satvigtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Satvigtaf must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Satvigtaf on top of all buildings.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Do not cook food in pots.