Hublenkam is a god.

She takes the form of a large, benevolent narwhal.

Hublenkam created time and space nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hublenkam, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hublenkam, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hublenkam's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hublenkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never talk about snails.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

4. Do not wear gold on your body.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.