Sastikjop is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid spider.

Sastikjop created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sastikjop, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Sastikjop, she will come to you in dreams.

Sastikjop's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Sastikjop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always help sick doves.