Matflabbem is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, sage chinchilla.

Matflabbem created dark matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matflabbem, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Matflabbem, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Matflabbem's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Matflabbem's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight dolphins approach from the south.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.