Kinmobsogstik is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unselfish crab.

Kinmobsogstik created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kinmobsogstik, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kinmobsogstik, she will turn you into a duck.

Kinmobsogstik's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Kinmobsogstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Run away from magenta grasshopers, for they are unholy.

4. Always help sick cats.

5. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.