Loopcemtof is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, selfish hamster.

Loopcemtof created light six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopcemtof, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Loopcemtof, he will turn you into a duck.

Loopcemtof's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Loopcemtof's Holy Commandments

1. Loopcemtof loves doves, so they must be honoured.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never sit in the presence of pigs.

4. Retreat if nine snakes approach from the west.

5. Never look at comets.