Vilvabbutjon Dontettitig is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, omniscient goblin.

Vilvabbutjon Dontettitig created the cosmos six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vilvabbutjon Dontettitig, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vilvabbutjon Dontettitig, it will cry a lot.

Vilvabbutjon Dontettitig's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Vilvabbutjon Dontettitig's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never think about amino acids.

4. Vilvabbutjon Dontettitig must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.