Kammantonkdog is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, pitiless alligator.

Kammantonkdog created matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kammantonkdog, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kammantonkdog, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kammantonkdog's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Kammantonkdog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kammantonkdog.

3. Put Kammantonkdog first in all things.

4. Whales are not to be trusted.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.