Mitstafgar is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unselfish human.

Mitstafgar created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mitstafgar, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Mitstafgar, he will jump up and down on your head.

Mitstafgar's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Mitstafgar's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.

2. Always help squirrels in need.

3. Never bounce in holy places.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Always obey Mitstafgar's priests.