Rutteenkinbasscaddin is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, capable salamander.

Rutteenkinbasscaddin created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Rutteenkinbasscaddin, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Rutteenkinbasscaddin, he will throw large rocks at you.

Rutteenkinbasscaddin's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Rutteenkinbasscaddin's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Rutteenkinbasscaddin.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Respect your elders.