Lanjarnkom is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, staggering wolf.

Lanjarnkom created the planet Mars four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lanjarnkom, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lanjarnkom, she will turn you into a rat.

Lanjarnkom's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Lanjarnkom's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not speak about strawberries.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Lanjarnkom.