Ruttquamlam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, emotional shrew.

Ruttquamlam created matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ruttquamlam, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ruttquamlam, he will boil you in a big pot.

Ruttquamlam's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Ruttquamlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never hurt mites.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Always wear blue.