Teenrutpiglitabbannell Caplegcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, idiotic swan.

Teenrutpiglitabbannell Caplegcuss created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Teenrutpiglitabbannell Caplegcuss, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Teenrutpiglitabbannell Caplegcuss, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Teenrutpiglitabbannell Caplegcuss' most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Teenrutpiglitabbannell Caplegcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Teenrutpiglitabbannell Caplegcuss.

3. Hide if nine doves approach from the west.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always stare at clouds.