Fitcinkip is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, ruthless yak.

Fitcinkip created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fitcinkip, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fitcinkip, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fitcinkip's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Fitcinkip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill pigs.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fitcinkip.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

5. Never mention snails.