Quarttarlan is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, vain centaur.

Quarttarlan created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Quarttarlan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Quarttarlan, she will destroy your favourite star.

Quarttarlan's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Quarttarlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not cook food in pots.