Yakvoljab is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, amazing crab.

Yakvoljab created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Yakvoljab, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Yakvoljab, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Yakvoljab's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Yakvoljab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured nematodes.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never go into magenta rooms.