Nurlmapxuck is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, witless grasshopper.

Nurlmapxuck created gold five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlmapxuck, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nurlmapxuck, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Nurlmapxuck's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Nurlmapxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Nurlmapxuck.

2. Never wear cyan shorts.

3. You must pray to Nurlmapxuck five times a day.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always pray immersed in water.