Yarpqueegmiftiktap is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, capable penguin.

Yarpqueegmiftiktap created humankind six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpqueegmiftiktap, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yarpqueegmiftiktap, it will turn you into a duck.

Yarpqueegmiftiktap's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Yarpqueegmiftiktap's Holy Commandments

1. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always help goats in need.

3. Hide from violet manatees for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.