Flamtungetvol is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, overgenerous newt.

Flamtungetvol created Europe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Flamtungetvol, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flamtungetvol, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Flamtungetvol's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Flamtungetvol's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never go into white rooms.

3. Retreat if four ants approach from the west.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never paint your feet violet.