Tignaktin is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unfair clam.

Tignaktin created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tignaktin, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tignaktin, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tignaktin's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tignaktin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Tignaktin must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always help tapirs in need.

5. Do not covet oxen.