Bappak is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unjust badger.

Bappak created a down quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bappak, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bappak, he will make you grow a tail.

Bappak's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Bappak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.

2. Always obey Bappak's priests.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.