Hotsitjap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, two-faced cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Hotsitjap created a Higgs boson seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hotsitjap, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hotsitjap, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Hotsitjap's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Hotsitjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not listen to music.