Hotfenbeg is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, pitiless crane.

Hotfenbeg created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hotfenbeg, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hotfenbeg, it will turn you into a plant.

Hotfenbeg's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Hotfenbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Never feed tomatoes to voles while wearing green shorts.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not wear lead on your body.

5. Do not shave your back.