Barnwonarp is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, effective turtle.

Barnwonarp created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnwonarp, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Barnwonarp, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Barnwonarp's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Barnwonarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Doves are not to be trusted.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never sing near goats.