Tarfigsag is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, dishonest seal.

Tarfigsag created oxygen two million years ago.

If you believe in Tarfigsag, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarfigsag, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Tarfigsag's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Tarfigsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat garlic.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Tarfigsag on top of all buildings.

3. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Hide if eight frogs approach from the south.