Ponkemgum is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, witless zebra.

Ponkemgum created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ponkemgum, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Ponkemgum, she will refuse to believe in you.

Ponkemgum's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Ponkemgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.

3. You must pray to Ponkemgum five times a day.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.