Matarmbin is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, tiresome hyena.

Matarmbin created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matarmbin, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Matarmbin, he will turn you into a frog.

Matarmbin's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Matarmbin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair purple.

2. Run away from violet dogs, for they are unholy.

3. Matarmbin must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.