Yarpnutlab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, passionate bear.

Yarpnutlab created a strange quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpnutlab, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarpnutlab, she will ignore you.

Yarpnutlab's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Yarpnutlab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Erect five silicon sculptures of Yarpnutlab on top of important buildings.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.