Jatrutgud is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, narcissistic mink.

Jatrutgud created snails two million years ago.

If you believe in Jatrutgud, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jatrutgud, he will remove you from existence.

Jatrutgud's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Jatrutgud's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Jatrutgud must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Hide if seven nematodes approach from the west.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. You must never eat pineapples.