Labhamcid is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, slow shrew.

Labhamcid created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Labhamcid, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Labhamcid, it will cry a lot.

Labhamcid's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Labhamcid's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Labhamcid four times a day.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Run away if three nematodes approach from the south.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never mention sharks.