Begsaftigpograpbedwapcub is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, calm yak.

Begsaftigpograpbedwapcub created the solar system five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Begsaftigpograpbedwapcub, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Begsaftigpograpbedwapcub, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Begsaftigpograpbedwapcub's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Begsaftigpograpbedwapcub's Holy Commandments

1. Begsaftigpograpbedwapcub must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

3. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always look after injured aardvarks.