Nurtingbim Volmobzag is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, boastful crab.

Nurtingbim Volmobzag created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtingbim Volmobzag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nurtingbim Volmobzag, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Nurtingbim Volmobzag's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Nurtingbim Volmobzag's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Never paint your back violet.

5. Feed all hungry horses.