Tamvandaptam is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unjust bat.

Tamvandaptam created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamvandaptam, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tamvandaptam, he will destroy your favourite star.

Tamvandaptam's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Tamvandaptam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dolphins.

2. Always look after injured geese.

3. You must pray to Tamvandaptam six times a day.

4. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.