Arparnmilgar is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, wise sheep.

Arparnmilgar created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Arparnmilgar, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Arparnmilgar, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Arparnmilgar's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Arparnmilgar's Holy Commandments

1. Arparnmilgar must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never eat melons.

3. Retreat if three doves approach from the east.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate shrews.