Nellkabrak is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, slow donkey.

Nellkabrak created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nellkabrak, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nellkabrak, it will manifest in front of you.

Nellkabrak's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Nellkabrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention manatees.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Retreat if three moths approach from the east.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never run in holy places.