Rapquagtanlarn is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, resourceful wasp.

Rapquagtanlarn created oxygen two billion years ago.

If you believe in Rapquagtanlarn, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rapquagtanlarn, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Rapquagtanlarn's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Rapquagtanlarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat apples.

2. Do not eat bananas.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Do not kill cats.