Nuldagyim is a god.

He takes the form of a small, staggering hippopotamus.

Nuldagyim created the planet Saturn four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nuldagyim, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nuldagyim, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nuldagyim's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Nuldagyim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Never mention tortoises.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Erect three lead sculptures of Nuldagyim on top of important buildings.