Bosszenjamtikhin is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, witty monkey.

Bosszenjamtikhin created a top quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bosszenjamtikhin, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bosszenjamtikhin, he will turn you into a plant.

Bosszenjamtikhin's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Bosszenjamtikhin's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured pigs.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Worship no other gods but Bosszenjamtikhin.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bosszenjamtikhin.