Parkmabdin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, resourceful seal.

Parkmabdin created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Parkmabdin, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Parkmabdin, it will manifest in front of you.

Parkmabdin's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Parkmabdin's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always help foxes in need.

5. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.