Talnutbiss is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unthoughtful sheep.

Talnutbiss created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talnutbiss, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Talnutbiss, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Talnutbiss' most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Talnutbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never talk about whales.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Talnutbiss loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.