Bagcankem is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, selfish mink.

Bagcankem created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bagcankem, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bagcankem, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bagcankem's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Bagcankem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never sit near mice.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not hurt badgers.