Vagafquaf Jadwadsag is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, ruthless ferret.

Vagafquaf Jadwadsag created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagafquaf Jadwadsag, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vagafquaf Jadwadsag, she will turn you into a puffin.

Vagafquaf Jadwadsag's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Vagafquaf Jadwadsag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Cats are not to be trusted.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not listen to music.